Old But Still Funny

It's been a long time since my last blog. It's been a long time since a lot of things actually. Earlier this week I had reason to go through some files of papers I have saved from college days. I could not remember why I might have saved some of them, but for others it was evident right away. I came across several funny things from my English classes which made me laugh out loud all over again, so I decided to share the fun.

This was the little gem I needed to find to share with Trevor. He had a creative writing assignment to write imaginary instructions for how to make elephant stew. I promised that once he finished, he could read the recipe as given to me by by an old family friend many years ago. It is reprinted here for your gastronomic pleasure.


Elephant Stew

Ingredients:
1 medium elephant
brown gravy
2 rabbits (optional)
salt and pepper

Directions:
1.Cut the elephant into bite-sized pieces.
2.Add enough brown gravy to cover and cook over a kerosene fire for about four weeks at 456.
3.Salt and pepper to taste.
4.Serves 3,800 people. If more are expected, the two rabbits may be added; but do this only in an emergency, as most people don’t like hare in their stew.

After we all chuckled about the stew, we perused the other papers and came across one labeled "Crazy Misprints." We turned this into a grammar lesson as Trevor figured out what each quote should have said.

"He got up, dressed, and took a shower."

"Police have found a car containing a case of whiskey. They have found no trace of the owner. Captain Moore is working on the case." (This could be in our town.)

"Buildings that were condemned along with their owners are listed below."

"Must move. Baby and household furniture for sale."

"This new formula will kill flies, aunts and other pests." (Sorry Aunties, it's time to go.)

"Around her neck was an antique gold chair."

"The police would like to know who the owners of the dogs are. They should be either killed or kept from doing further damage."

"Researchers said a new kind of hearing aid can be built that will work for all dead or hard-of-hearing persons." (The faith hearing aid?)

"IRS officials said they will give help to confuse taxpayers struggling with their income tax forms." (I'm not so sure this was actually a misprint.)

"What is needed more than anything is a warm, dry rain."

"The shooting match will last as long as there's anyone left around to shoot."

"He has two half-brothers, aged 59 and 57, and several cousins, all odder than he is." (I think I know this guy.)

"This would give mine inspectors the right to shout down mines if they found them unsafe."

"Mrs. Taylor was attacked by a muskrat on Main Street. His leg was bitten." (This might have happened in our town, too.)

"The flames spread so fast that the firemen were driven back and leaped across the street to set fire to other buildings."